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The current period signifies a full decade since the term “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. Back then, the concept that someone could instantly end communication with a partner without explanation seemed like the peak of disrespect. How naive we were. In the decade since, seeking a partner has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes pointless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media lingo.

Zoomers, a demographic who matured during a social isolation crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated assault on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier environment than their millennial forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating vocabulary has grown more extensive and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the limits of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a detailed breakdown to the terms Zoomers is using to discuss romance, sex and the search of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring memes, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to simpler times – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Genuineness – According to Zoomers, romance's ideal is showing up as your true, unfiltered self. Good luck with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A social media test connected to a framework developed by relationship scientists, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your date's reply is interested or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s rebuttal to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This refers to choosing someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped young adults do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) emotions.

D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it describes pairs who choose against parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: utilizing communication, transparency and openness.

F

Indicators

• Warning signs – Personal quirks indicating a potential partner is not right. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, poor gratuity habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a nascent DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits affirm your choice to date a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safely after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely harmless idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a biro in their bag, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you find someone who’s just as obsessive about films about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who despises the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a nemesis).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy listens to.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt lengthy sessions, purposefully delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

The Letter H

Heterofatalism – A trend describing many women's increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Manosphere archetype – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane dealbreakers that immediately shut down any feelings of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely romantic gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “man in finance” is the ideal partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd seek out partners in fields they perceive as being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z desire fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy believable.

Kittenfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {